Forever Is Not Enough
by itsallcomingbacktome
Summary: They have that kind of love that "Forever is too short for me to love you the way you deserve, I need more time". The kind of love that everyone is envious of, the kind of love that people and life try to jeopardize.
1. We're in Heaven

Forever is not Enough - "We're in Heaven" (Chapter 1)

**-Ricky and Amy's apartment-**

**Amy's POV**

Yeah, Ricky thinks I can't cook but in order to prove him wrong I'll make him taste this new recipe I found on the internet…as Ricky says: "if you can read you can cook!". Maybe he's right about it because it smells really good. I'm sure he'll love it. He's always too nice and polite to tell me that he hates my spaghetti but I know that, so I wanna make it up to him for being such a moody bitch lately and thank him for being so patient with me. Tonight is the night I'm apologizing and treating him the way he deserves. By the way, the recipe is only a small contribution to my apologies because I've got far bigger plans for the two of us tonight. I also asked Ricky to drop John over my dad's after work because, I said, "my dad wants to spend more time with him". Okay, it was a lie but I'm pretty sure he's gonna forgive me once he sees the surprise. I bought a bottle of his favorite wine, I made spaghetti with goat cheese and peppers and I placed lily of the valley scented candles all over the apartment floor. Also, I'm wearing that short beige dress he adores and I don't have any make up on because I know he likes it that way. Everything's perfect, or rather, it will be once he gets home.

_After a handful of seconds Amy hears Ricky putting the keys into the lock and suddenly her heart starts racing. She doesn't even know why she's so nervous, she just knows that's an amazing feeling, another feeling she owes to Ricky._

**Ricky's POV**

Wow. The only word my brain is able to think right now. Wow. It looks like she has been working on this for days and I'm so impressed that I can't help but feel a quick chill run down my spine. A beautiful scent of lily of the valley mixes up with an amazing smell of food. Then I turn around and set my eye on Amy. I'm looking at her spellbound when I realize I must look like a total idiot, but it's not my fault if she's so unbelievably gorgeous. Oh my God, that girl is mine. That girl arranged this wonderful surprise for me. That girl said she's gonna be with me forever. That girl gave me a son. That girl loves me. I notice she doesn't have any make up on and I'm so glad of it. Now our looks are locked and I see a glowing spark of fear and excitement in her eyes. Another chill runs down my spine. I don't know what to say so while making my way to her I give her a big smile, and then I softly kiss her as I caress her rosy cheek. She just gave me a taste of paradise.

**Amy's POV**

This is one of the moments I wish it never ended. The man I love is right here in front of me and even if there's silence in the room we can see right through each other, catch every unspoken word, feel every breath. We are holding one another so tight and I can feel his strong, warm body pressing against mine and his hands around my back. My love for him is so deep that makes me kind of overwhelmed at times, so I allow myself some tears of joy while burying my head in his chest.

«I heard that.» he whispers.

«Heard what?» I say pretending not to have understood.

«You can't fool me, Amy. I figured out you're crying, I always do, you know.»he says playing with my hair.

I'm still trying to hide my tears when he says:

«Babe, is something wrong?» he sounds a little anxious now.

«No, really. Nothing is wrong. It's just..- I pull my head away and look deep into his eyes - I'm so sorry about being so cranky and nasty lately and I knew it wasn't fair to treat you the way I did so I was also angry with myself and I became insecure and I blamed on me for not being able to let you out of my paranoias and worries and…» I'm out of breath when he interrupts my river of apologies.

«No, Amy. You don't have to apologize about anything at all. I know you like the back of my hand and I know that when something's wrong you can't control your emotions and you start being crazy all of the time, no matter who you are with or how much you're happy about anything else. When something is wrong you become all defensive and immediately think the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you are not gonna be strong enough to handle it. But you know what? I love even this dark side of you, Amy. I love you. And I love how we just turned the tension off by simply holding each other in the middle of our living room, without saying anything. But please don't cry, because you know your pain is my pain too and seeing even just a single tear streaming down your face kills me Amy. It really does.»

**Ricky's POV**

I can see she is dying to cry but she's keeping herself from doing it not to hurt me. She just gives me a smile and says:

«I love you too, Ricky».

Well, that's honestly all that I need.

Then I take a look at the table and I see my favorite red wine, other candles, and…spaghetti. Suddenly a spark of disappointment appears on my face.

**Amy's POV**

«I saw that!» I say sarcastically.

«I just got busted, didn't I?» he says giving me a big smile

«Yep. But you should wait to jump to conclusions this time. This is not my usual spaghetti, I found this new recipe on the net and simply followed your advice :" if you can read, you can cook!". So if you don't like it you're free to blame on yourself and your sayings!» I give him a quick kiss and then he smiles to me.

**Ricky's POV**

After the delicious dinner, when we're still at the table, she gently takes me by the hand and stands up. She gasps her iPod and guides me through the candles and finally stops right in the center of the room. While she's choosing the song I try to peep at the screen but she finds me doing that and says:

«Don't peek!» then puts her right hand on my eyes. What a wonderful sensation, the touch of her hand on my face. Once she finds the song she was looking for, she takes her hand off of my face and puts the head phones in our ears.

Before pressing the play button she looks me in the eyes and then whispers:

«These are words I think were written for the two of us. They stole these words out of my heart and put them in music. So listen carefully.» Then she takes a deep breath and adds: «I love you and I always will.»

_Oh, thinking about all our younger years_  
_There was only you and me_  
_We were young and wild and free_

_Now nothing can take you away from me _  
_We've been down that road before _  
_But that's over now_  
_You keep me coming back for more_

I can't say a single word, I can hardly breathe. She took me by surprise, she took my hopes and made them reality, she lighted up my world, she drove my soul. She actually saved my life. I pull her closer to me, so close that our bodies are matching, she's part of me and I am part of her. My hands are shivering a bit but I try to hide it as I press her head against my chest hoping she can hear what my heart's saying : "I love you and I always will, too Amy".

_Baby, you're all that I want _  
_When you're lying here in my arms_  
_I'm finding it hard to believe _  
_We're in heaven _

_And love is all that I need_  
_And I found it there in your heart _  
_It isn't too hard to see _  
_We're in heaven _

Amy's right: this song tells the story of us.


	2. You're Perfect To Me

**Amy's POV**

I just woke up and the awakening couldn't be any better: I've got my head buried in Ricky's neck and his warm hands on my naked back. We fell asleep like that, locked in an embrace. I do not want to open my eyes yet, I just wanna taste these moments, feeling his skin's smell on my body. In his arms I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel like there's nowhere else I wish I was. Our relationship only grew during the past year and every single day I spent by his side was a beautiful day, a day I thanked God for. Even when we argued I always felt the need to have him by my side, the need to hold his hand, the need to feel his touch, the need to hear his voice, no matter how lecturing his voice was at times. I simply need him. I am caressing his chest softly, trying to gently wake him up when I hear him whispering:

"Good morning, my love"

"Good morning" I whisper, keeping caressing his skin gently.

Now he kisses my forehead and starts playing with my hair. A few seconds pass without saying anything before I slowly pull myself away and put my head exactly next to hims, and look deeply into his eyes. His fantastic dark-brown eyes that light up my darkest days and fears, they got inside a special glow, a glow that always make me through the day, the same glow I used to curse at when Ricky wasn't mine. _"When Ricky wasn't mine". _This last sentence stabbed right into my heart before I could even try do defend myself. Suddenly too many sad memories come up in my mind and I start getting nervous and scared, while all my insecurities come up to the surface: what if he finds someone else in college? What if Adrian goes after MY Ricky again? What if he has second thoughts about getting married? What if he has second thoughts about our family? Or second thoughts about us? What if I lose him and my world comes all dark again?. I'can't take all this, and I can't even take his look right now because I'm afraid he finds out how much insecure I'm being and I wanna be strong for him, for us. I'm not just phisically naked, I'm emotionally naked, once more. I put my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, it always calmes me down. But I need more this time, because the fear is too deep and frustrating: I need him to calm me down. I need him to tell me everything's going to be fine.

"Have you ever thought about our future?" I say suddenly.

"Oh no...ever. Not even when I asked you to marry me, I was just joking!" he says in a sarcastic tone.

"Seriously." I say, while trying to hide the storm of terrifying questions that run through my head from him. "Have you ever thought about moving in to some other city, away from this messy town and its crazy citizens and starting our life somewhere else?"

"Yeah, of course I have. But I think it's a little too soon to think about it because I think we should wait until we both finish college, get good jobs and be able to afford a our own apartment." he says. Then takes a break while caressing my arm.

I don't know what to say because even if I completely trust him, now that the reality of college is approaching, the memory of that night when Adrian came over my dad's house and tried to seduce Ricky, that disgusting smirk on her face..huh.. is haunting me. The fear of losing him is haunting me so I spontaneously huddle up under the sheet and hold him tighter, pressing my fingers in his flesh. _"I can't lose you Ricky, I really can't." _I think in despair.

**Ricky's POV**

She's scared. She's scared of the thought of me attending the same school Adrian is attending, too. I'm sure of it, not only because of what she just said to me, because of that extremely frightened look I've seen so many times before, including the night at the band camp. Her tight touch on my flesh clearly shows her desperation. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for hiding those Adrian's voice messages from Amy, for making her feel she was losing me and for making her feel alone and scared, again. I gotta do something, I gotta say something right now because I don't want my angel to feel like that again. Ever. I hold her head in my hands and make her look me in the eyes again.

"Amy, please listen to me. Even if you don't tell me that, I know you're scared. But you don't have to, not at all. Nothing and no one is gonna tear us apart, no distances, no fears, no problems and no Adrians, Amy. I promise."

"Thank you for saying exactly what I needed you to say." she says smiling weakly at me. Then adds:

"I love you."

"I love you, too." I say, and we share an amazingly romantic kiss.

**Amy's POV**

I'm starting to relax again while he pulls me closer and gently presses his chest against mine. Now his hands are around my waisteline and my arms are holding his back, so we're curled up holding each other, keeping our fears away from us. Our bodies' warmth, our breaths, our certainties, our love is here with us. Our whole world is right here under the blankets. We're safe and sound.

_They keep their bodies in that exact position for such a long time and then fall asleep. Two hours later, Ricky wakes up, gets dressed and prepares some breakfast for the two of them, while Amy's still sleeping._

**Ricky's POV**

As I'm making breakfast I think about John's first birthday. I think about how happy and exciting was having Amy and John in the house, just the three of us. I remember how much it hurt when I overheard the message from Ben that said he loved her, not just because I knew it wasn't true, but because he always had to ruin everything for us, he always had to try to be part of the picture. I remember how accurately Amy set the table and how much I was desperate for everything to be perfect. I remember how thrilled our looks were when John blew is candle out and how Amy made me feel a real man for the third time in that moment. You could see she was proud of me. The first time I felt a man was at the band camp when we made love: I was scared because I felt different, because putting my hands on her skin gave me chills; the second time was when John was born: the way she looked at me when I entered the room and when I was holding our little treasure in my arms it's unforgettable. I never felt a man when I used to sleep around, when I just had sex. But I've always felt a man when Amy and I made love. Even the first time.

Now breakfast's ready so I approach to the sofa bed and sit on it. I enjoy some time to stare at her, to trace her features out in my mind, to gaze at her velvet skin and at her beautiful long legs that come out of the bedding. _"God damn, you're beautiful, Amy" , _I can't help but think. What a beautifully frail and innocent creature. I swear to myself I won't ever let anyone hurt her, anyone. I gently brush _her hair away from her_eyes. She opens her big, beautiful eyes and gives me a smile.

"What a nice smell...of pancakes!" she exclaims. "Don't tell me...you made me peach pancakes?" Her enthusiasm brings a big smile on my face. When she acts like that she does look like John, they absolutely have that same irresistibly tender attitude.

"Yeah. I made peach pancakes and some latte." I say smiling, while seeing her excitement growing. "I made you the same breakfast you ate when we were in New York."

Now she's shaking her legs literally electrified, then holds me close and says:

"Sometimes I wonder if you're real or if you're just a wonderful, long dream that I use to be lost into. You're so insanely perfect! You know that?"

She laughs and I do too. Making her happy fills my heart with happiness.

"You're so insanely perfect, too." I say, as our gazes meet again.

"I don't think so, but I've learned it's okay to be me." she says " and I owe it to you, too."

"Well, I don't know if you're perfect to anyone else, I just know that you're perfect to me." I say.


	3. Let It Pour

**Ricky's POV**

6.30am. It's a bittersweet September morning and I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Like everyday I'm going to college, then I'm working at the butcher shop and I'm studying and then I'm being extremely tired at night. I'm always too tired to take Amy out somewhere, to read to John like I used to and..Amy practically does everything for me, for our family. She gets John ready for nursery, she cleans the apartment, she goes to school, she works, she does her homework, she pays the bills and...she cooks now. Yeah. And she cooks delicious dishes, do you believe it? I don't even know how she can do it. I mean, maybe she has secret ways to extend the days' lenght that other human beings don't know about? How can she handle so much stress and still being so caring and patient? I seriously have no clue. Every night when I get home she always greets me with a weak but sweet smile and with one of her beautiful kisses. I couldn't have asked for a better woman by my side. I know I should tell her about Adrian's behaviour around me, but I don't wanna upset her. Adrian keeps being a plague in college and I try to avoid her everyday but she always finds me and tries to seduce me. She really can't get how much that I love Amy and how nothing she ever meant to me, even if I keep telling her that. But I took my decision: Adrian has to get out of our life today because I can't keep this from Amy, no more. I rinse my mouth out and towel it. I'm wearing some "Acqua di Giò" Amy gave me last week, when she appears in the bathroom doorway in some super sexy lingerie with a sleepy expression on her face. She rubs her eyes a bit. Oh my God: she's amazing. She approaches to me and then wraps her arms around my neck as I put mine around her waist.

"Morning" I say while softly kissing her lips.

She puts her head on my collarbone and sweetly kisses my neck. Wow. My body freezes to the touch of her lips on my skin.

"Good morning to you, too. And to your TOO seductive fragrance." she says keeping her head on my shoulder. "Are you going to college like this?" she says in a both joking and upset tone.

"Like what?" I reply, pretending not to have got the question.

"You know like what. With this irresistible perfume on." she says, making a little face.

I know she's joking but you can say she's also kind of a bit jealous.

"Yeah. I am. "I say smiling to her. She pulls herself away from my body and tries to break the hug, but I don't let her go. I have a lot of fun making her jealous.

"Oh c'mon...you're not really jealous about this, are you?"

"I may be. But either way, you don't seem to be caring that much about it, so let me go." she sounds upset but I can see an hidden smile through her lips. I give her a kiss and after that, we both start laughing while she re-wraps her arms around my neck.

"I'm silly, I know. It's just...I really can't figure out how girls can stay away from you. And I'm not talking just about the perfume, you know." as she's saying this she blushes a bit and glances down.

Her words painfully creep into my mind. Adrian. I'm not telling Amy about Adrian. I'm lying. I'm a big fat liar to my flawlessly adorable fiancé. I pull her closer as I caress her hair and her fairy, naked back.

"You know I'm yours. Always been, always will. I love you." I say sincerely. At least this is not a lie. This is the truth Adrian doesn't want to accept, but the truth she's going to accept today, wheter she likes it or not.

"I love you, too." she whispers.

_Later in the morning Ricky passes an important exam and he's celebrating with some buddies at the caf__e__teria. He can't stop thinkin' of Amy. He's dying to text her about his big success and the congrats he r__e__ceived from his teacher but finally, he decides to wait until he gets home because he wants to tell her f__a__ce to face and enjoy that magical glow her eyes get every time she laughs. As he is lost in thought, the sound of an incoming text message brings him back to reality._

**_From: _**_Amy_

**_To: _**_Ricky_

"_So...how was it, Mr. Perfect? I love you."_

I can't help but smile at the screen: she remembered I had an exam today. I told her about it some weeks ago but I thought she had forgotten it.

**_From: _**_Ricky_

**_To: _**_Amy_

"_Well, let's just say...you're not the only one who calls me Mr. Perfect anymore! By the way, I got some college affairs to take care of this afternoon. I can't wait to get home. I love you, Amy."_

**_From: _**_Amy_

**_To: _**_Ricky_

"_Yeah, I knew it! I'm so proud of you. I just got to the nursery, see you later. Love you."_

I'm having a really good time celebrating with my college buddies but when Amy's not with me it's like I'm incomplete. It's like there's always a missing piece for me to be completely happy about things.

**_From: _**_Ricky_

**_To: _**_Amy_

"_I wish you were here."_

I know she's not gonna read the message now because she gotta switch her phone off once she arrives to the nursery, but I needed to tell her that. Right now. I hear someone tapping on my shoulder and I turn around. "_Oh, no: Adrian again. Well, I guess that's kind of good because I want to tell her not to come near me again."_

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" she says seductively.

2Yeah, Adrian. I have to tell you a couple of things." I say in a bothered tone.

_They leave the cafeteria and walk outside. While Adrian tries to touch him and whisper dirty things in his ear, he pulls her away visibly irritated avoiding any physical contact with her._

2Oh, c'mon, you know you want me. You wanna kiss me, and touch me and..." she says, but I interrupt her.

"No. I don't want to kiss you or touch you or... take you out to dinner. I don't want to have anything to do with you. I wanna kiss, touch and respect Amy for the rest of my life. And I wanna be happy, and Amy is the only one who makes me feel like that, like there's nowhere else I wish I was when I'm with her. Did you get that? You never meant anything to me and you never will. Don't say that you love me Adrian just because you wanna win some kind of war against Amy. You don't love me as much as I don't love you. I do not love you. I love Amy and I always will, until the end of times." I clarify.

These words feel like swords in another battle and I feel tired of fighting. Amy and I are both tired of fighting for people to understand our love, can't they see we're happy? Once Amy told me: _" They're je__a__lous because nothing like that ever happened to them._ _They're jealous because against everybody's pr__e__dictions we made it through and we fought for our feelings saving each other's lives. Because it was an hard path but we found the strength to keep walking, and we found it by looking into each other's eyes. Because we've been brave enough not to slam the door in love's face, we let it in instead." _

I remember every single word she told me that night on the sofa bed. I remember how marvelous it was looking in her eyes and letting her read my heart, completely defenseless.

"But you had sex with me! And a lot of times!" Adrian exclaims offended.

"Yeah, you are right. I used to have sex with you, but I never had sex with Amy. We always made love and there's a lot of difference in that, believe me. Bye Adrian." I say while walking away.

**General POV**

_Some hours later, as Ricky's signing some documents in the rector's office, a bunch of thoughts run through his head, literally setting fire to it: "Should I tell Amy, anyway? should I pretend like nothing __e__ver happened? would she forgive me? would she understand why I kept this from her? would she ever trust me again?". He's confused. He just wishes Amy was there to hold his hand, to tell him everything was going to be all right. But would she tell him that? He needs a sign to rassure him everything is going to be fine, something, anything._

"Mr. Underwood, is everything okay?" _the rector's voice breaks his storm of questions._

"Yeah, sir. Everything's fine. May I ask you why you're asking me that? Did I do something wrong?" _Ricky asks quite anxiously._

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. I asked because of the look on your face, something seems to be bothering you." _the rector says, taking Ricky by surprise._

"Nothing it's just...I just... " _Ricky feels funny telling the rector about his personal feelings, but in this moment it feels right. He needs to. " _I miss my family. I miss my fiancé Amy and my son John. And I just wish I was toying with my son on our sofa bed, letting him tickle my neck and hear his light-hearted laughs while Amy is holding me back so that John can torture me the best he can." _he says tenderly sm__i__ling. His eyes are filled with pure joy._

"You're free to go, then. It's not very common that a guy as young as you wants to go home and be happy with his family instead of drinking and going to the disco. You deeply and purely love your fiancé and your son, it's crystal clear." _he replies in a both astonished and proud tone. _

"This is the sign I was waiting for, definitely." _Ricky thinks._

"Thank you, sir! I don't know what to say other than that. Thank you, really!" _Ricky exclaims, and in less than 5 seconds he leaves the rector's office._

_He runs down the stairs, extremely thrilled at the thought to finally go home. It's raining, and he rushes to his car being totally neglectful of rain, with a big smile on his face. Once in the car, he checks his ph__o__ne and finds a message from Amy: she sent him a pic of her and John waving him with painting all over their faces. Their funny faces are priceless, the joy that pic just gave him is priceless. He starts the eng__i__ne being even happier than before. Ricky wants to let his family know they mean the world to him and he wants to find a special way to do it, so he makes a radio request: he asks for "_Your Song" by Elton John and then calls Amy.

**Amy's POV**

7.06 pm and I'm on my way home with John. Rain drops keep falling on car windscreen as it is getting darker and darker and the headlamps are the only lights on around, except for my little man who I see sleeping in his colorful baby car seat through my mirror. He has a serene expression on his face and his tender lineaments communicate innocence and peace. Ricky and I made the most wonderful thing in our lives: he is our little treasure, a miracle God gave us. Time both flew and crawled today because on one hand, I enjoyed the afternoon playing with my son and the other children staining our shirts and faces with painting, on the other hand I deeply and desperately wished Ricky was there with us. I found myself imagining what he was possibly doing several times, hoping he would keep calm and focus on his exam and show what he is worth. I always miss him a lot while he's away but today it was way more intense than usual. I don't know, it's like we're tied together with a special emotional connection and I could feel he was missing me, too. I'm sure of it. The phone rings: it's Ricky. Just reading his name on the cell screen brings a sincere smile on my face.

_"Hi, love. Finally I can hear your voice, you have no idea how much that I've been missing you today." _I say picking up the phone.

_"I've been missing you, too. The two of you. Is John sleeping?" _he quietly says_._

_"Yes, he is. You know when he sleeps so peacefully that the whole world could crumble down in this moment he would keep that serene expression? Well, he has that exact expression on his face now. We had a really good time together at the nursery…but not a perfect time since someone was not there with us." _I say, not being able to hide the emotion in my voice. "_We're still on our way home, where are you?"_

_"I'll be home in about 5 min. Would you mind turn the radio on to LIGHTnEASY Radio? They're about to broadcast a special gift for the two of you from me." _he says in really touched tone.

_"Ricky…what…? " _I just can't speak, he totally took me by surprise. I tune the radio to that station as the song he requested starts playing.

_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside_  
_I'm not one of those who can easily hide…_

I hear Ricky's breath get heavier through the phone, as much as mine. Our feelings are built up right now and it's like I could read his thoughts.

_...I know it's not much but it's the best I can do_  
_My gift is my song and this one's for you..._

He chose Elton John for the three of us. That's simply amazing. Suddenly Ricky starts singing along, softly whispering the lyrics over the phone. This gives me chills.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_  
_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_  
_I hope you don't mind_  
_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_  
_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

_"I love you_." I say being almost out of breath. I decide to keep silent 'til the end of the song just listening to his voice and taking a look at John once in a while in order to make him involved in that magical moment. By the end of the song we both get home. Our cell phones still glued to our ears. I smile to him through the window. He smiles me back. In an instant we both let our phones fall on the car seat and get the hell out of the car. We find each other hugging so tight under the teeming rain. He doesn't say anything and neither do I, and it's perfect this way. We feel the rain soaking our clothes and leaking in to them, yet we are totally careless of it. He touches my cheek and gives me a breathtaking kiss. We look deep into each other's eyes and the world seems to have stopped for a bunch of seconds.

"Maybe we should just pick up John and go indoors. It's pouring and I don't want you to catch the flu." he breaks the silence giving me a smile.

"I don't care. Let it pour." I say, determined not to let these moments go.

_As she is saying this, Amy kisses Ricky's lips again, mindless of rain streaming down their faces, mindless of everything. They keep kissing under the pouring rain for about five minutes. They really have missed each other._


	4. Please, Don't Leave

**Amy's POV**

It's a beautiful Sunday and I'm in the kitchen filling some sandwiches for the three of us because Ricky and I decided to have a family picnic at the park today. Bunny asked Ricky to stand in for Ben this morning because he got drunk on yesterday night so he wasn't able to go to work today and they have oodles of goods to consign by this morning. So of course my so-responsible Ricky said it was okay. John is scrawling something on a sheet of paper I gave him before. His grave and concentrated look is priceless as he's cherry-picking the crayons scattered all over the table. I can't help but smile looking at my buddy who hardly reaches the table.

"What's mommy's little boy's drawing?" I ask concerned.

He gets out of the chair and approaches to me, happily pointing at the sheet.

"Moose. Do you like it mommy?" he replies.

I clean my hands in a canvas and then kneel to face John and to take a better look at the drawing.

"That's beautiful, honey" I say while putting my fingers through his blonde hair. Those sketchy lines don't look like Moose exactly of course, but I mean it when I say I like the drawing because this is John's very first attempt at it. John nears me and gives me a little kiss on the cheek and I tenderly reciprocate. He is such a softie.

"You're mommy's darling, you know that John?" I say smiling.

"Yep. For you." he replies handing me the drawing with a sweet smile on his face. That smile is Ricky's smile, no doubts about it.

" Thank you, honey!". My eyes fill with some tears of joy: this is a big step for his growing, and I'm happy to be able to share this moment with him. But I want Ricky to be part of this moment too so I snap a photo of the sheet and send it to Ricky.

_**From**_: Amy

_**To**_: Ricky

_Our little man's first "drawing". Just for the record... It is supposed to look like Moose ;) . I love you so much._

"So John, now daddy will see your drawing too, okay?" I say to John.

"Yes!" he exclaims while rushing to his bedroom. Some minutes later I hear the phone ringing in my pocket and I read Ricky's reply:

_**From**_: Ricky

_**To**_: Amy

_I am so insanely happy. I showed Bunny the pic, too...it's crazy! Just another 30 min. and I'll be home. I love you, Amy._

I knew he would be thrilled to receive the message. I put some fruits into the picnic hamper as well as two bottles of water and the sandwiches, while some napkins and dixie cups are already placed in it.

**- 30 min. later-**

**Ricky's POV**

I just took off and I'm walking up the staircase that leads upstairs. I open the apartment's door and immediately see John playing with his cars on the couch. I quietly approach to him, motioning him to be quiet.

"Hi little man! Daddy loved your drawing so much. Where's mommy?" I whisper

"She's in the bedroom." he says, not being distracted by my question at all.

"Okay, thank you honey." I say, then kiss his forehead.

I make my way to the bedroom and stop by the door Amy left ajar. I spot her pulling her hair into a soft ponytail, then move my gaze to her body: she is wearing a pair of skinny jeans that emphasize her endless legs and a v neck white shirt. With a simple pair of jeans and a white t-shirt she is capable of taking my breath away. I turn around for a second and see John giving me a questioning look. He is like " why are you spying mommy?". I give him a reassuring smile and focus my attention back to Amy. As I watch her putting some lipstick on, my mind reminds me I still gotta tell Amy about what happened in college yesterday and... in the past month. Last night was one of the best nights ever, we made a very intense love and for me, it was like telling her I had made a mistake but I am so sorry and that I'm madly in love with her. But I didn't actually tell her, that's the point. Now I have no idea how she's going to react, I just hope she doesn't lose all the trust in me. I gently knock on the bedroom door while entering the room. She runs over me and puts her hands around my neck, giving me a soft kiss. I kiss her back. Her lips smack of strawberry: I'd do anything but taste this flavor inside of her mouth all day.

"Hi! I didn't hear you getting home." she says.

"Hi gorgeous. Are you ready to go?" I ask her while tracing her body.

"Sure! It's going to be a great day, with just the three of us." she says excitedly.

"Yes, it is" I reply smiling, then I kiss her again. But deep inside of me I know that in a few hours I'm gonna ruin this exciting day for her by telling her I've been lying to her for a whole month.

_Once they arrive to the park, Ricky and Amy pick a nice shady place under some poplars that is also near a red painted teeter-totter John absolutely adores. So Ricky lays a colorful blanket on the grass while Amy's pulling the sandwiches out of the basket. Both Ricky and John show to have appreciated the simple but delicious meal Amy prepared and the three of them spend the whole early afternoon amidst smiles, games and pampers. The day is a bit gusty yet mild, and the poplars' leaves are blowing in the breeze._

**Amy's POV**

Ricky is running all around the area giving John a piggyback ride. As I watch them enjoying this time together I think that maybe it's true, it's true that every cloud has a silver lining. I follow their cheerful shapes, lit by the sun and their laughs in the distance sound like a heartening, sweet lullaby. I close my eyes the better to feel that agreeable fresh air on my skin and I am just about to fall asleep when the touch of Ricky's lips against mine brings me back to earth, causing me to feel butterflies in my stomach.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you. I was just dying to kiss you." he says giving me a smile.

"You're forgiven." I say smiling back to him.

He lays next to me a little tired and takes my hand.

"So...where's John?" I ask him.

"He's playing soldiers with some buddies of hims. Don't worry, Nina and Chantal are watching them." he says in a reassuring tone.

"Okay." I say, then turn to him. "Did the piggyback ride tire you out?"

"Just a little bit. I mean, John is really untiring! He kept screaming: run, daddy! Run, run, run! And we've been running for 20 min.! "he replies smiling.

"Well, he has been missing those piggyback rides a lot lately. He's been missing his daddy." I say.

**Ricky's POV**

"I've been missing him, too. You know it's not easy for me to stay away from you. I honestly thought it would be easier." I say looking deep into Amy's eyes.

"Well, things have never been easy for us. We just gotta get used to it. Maybe our lives were fated to turn into battles and even though sometimes I feel lost and scared, and tired I would never exchange this battlefield for nobody else's life. All those battles were worth fighting because you and John were my rewards, you are my everything." she says.

Her words touched my heart and, as always when she takes me by surprise, I'm speechless. But this time I'm feeling terribly guilty, too. "I'm lying. I'm lying" and this thought is haunting me. I run my fingers through her hair and caress her cheek, then her lips and she closes her eyes again. A heavier surge of guilt causes me to shiver so she opens her eyes wide.

"Are you cold?" she asks attentively.

I'd like to have the courage to speak my thoughts out loud and say :" no, I'm not cold. I'm a total asshole. I'm a liar. I'm a coward. And you should not love me, you deserve better than this." but I can't so I simply nod no.

"Okay. But...is something wrong?" she asks again, trying to find a hint in my eyes.

I feel her eyes on me. Now, she wouldn't believe anything but the truth and I think that I owe it to her but I'm afraid, I don't know what to do, or rather, how to do it. My silence makes her expression get puzzled and she draws herself up. I glance down.

"Okay, now you're scaring me. What's going on?" she asks in a worried tone while touching my face.

"It's time to be a real man, Richard. - I think - Just look her in the eyes and tell her. Take your responsibilities." I draw myself up too and take her by the hand.

"I have to tell you something, but I desperately need you to promise me this: please Amy, promise me you will keep holding my hand, no matter what. Would you do this? Would you do this for me?" I say while seeing her confusion growing. She simply nods, visibly panic-stricken. I'm trying to be brave but it's hard. It's hard to look the person you love the most in your life in the eyes and be aware you're about to hurt them, maybe to lose them. Especially when you swore to yourself you wouldn't ever let anybody hurt them, and you are the only one who did it.

**Amy's POV**

I refuse to think. I just wanna switch my mind off. I'm not even sure I wanna hear what he's about to say. I wish I never asked what was going on. I wish I could just go back to five minutes ago, when I looked into his eyes and I felt safe, I felt like nothing could go wrong, when variegated butterflies were flying above our faces.

"I lied to you, Amy. Adrian has been chasing after me for the past month. I kept avoiding her but she never stopped being a plague. Just yesterday I told her not to ever come near me again for the umpteenth time. And this time is for good. I'm sorry, I really am."

Shoot. Bound. Pain. Vacuum. Those words come out uncontrollable out of his mouth as he's visibly freaking out. My eyes stare into space now. The truth feels like pins stabbing in my heart and every word he pronounced seemed to hurt more and more. Adrian, Adrian, Adrian. Again. Her name re-echoes in my head causing my blood to boil. My mind clouds 'cause I'm so bewildered that for an instant I think this is just a bad dream and that what Ricky just told me is simply fingement of my imagination. I'm not able to say anything or make a single move and I feel he's waiting for something: an "I hate you", a slap in the face, some tears, anything but I know he wants some kind of reaction. My minds crowds with memories that interweave and fade, that flame and leave their mark. He lied. For a whole month, a month during which he told me he loved me, he told me I had nothing to worry about, during which he made love to me and slept holding me in his arms every night, he was lying. I'm feeling so vulnerable that I try to pull my hand back but Ricky doesn't let me.

"Please, don't leave." he whispers defencelessly.

I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm disappointed but as much as this is a nightmare I just can't fight his will, can't stand seeing fear in his eyes. Despite everything, seeing his eyes filling with tears hurts me and makes mine do the same. Despite everything, I love him. I still can't say a single word so I simply let my left hand hug my legs as I put my head on my knees and allow some tears to roll down my cheeks. I don't think I've felt this hurt before, ever.

"I'm sorry and... I love you, Amy." he whispers while squeezing my hand.

His "I love you" makes me burst out sobbing and I can't help but say: "I love you, too" in a tearful voice. Then I keep quiet, hoping this undescribable pain will pass away, somehow.

_They were both devastated. Even if he didn't really do anything with Adrian he still lied to Amy about something regarding Adrian, and for the second time. Ricky had planned to explain the reason why he did that but he thought it was better to just shut up during those awkward moments and respect Amy's feelings. Maybe deep inside of her she knew, maybe his Amy understood, maybe she saw his true colors after all. But holding her hand wasn't enough, he wanted to protect her, he wanted to let her know that in spite of any mistake he made in the past he was still right beside her, ready to catch her tears. So in a split second their looks met again and caught each other's thoughts: they needed one another to go through this, now more than ever. Amy threw herself into his arms, letting her feeling run away with her. She weakly punched on his chest a couple of times in despair as he was holding her head against it. Ricky kept whispering : "I' m sorry, Amy. I'm sorry." while feeling his shirt getting wet with her tears. That September breeze felt colder now._


	5. Half My World

_**First of all…I wanted to thank you for all the wonderful words you guys used to describe my chapters. I really put my own feelings into them and I LIVE them, before writing them. Every single review brought an unbelievably big smile on my lips, so thank you. And maybe, who knows, someday I might get the chance to write real books and hopefully you will buy one of them and recognize my style, which is still SO sketchy and raw. THANK YOU, I mean it.**_

**General POV**

The car clock makes it 7:02 p.m. as the family tree is on its way back home. John is sleeping in his baby car seat with his little arms wrapped around his favorite childhood friend, a brown teddy bear Ricky and Amy bought him for the first Christmas they spent together, as a real family. Since the very first instant John saw Mr. Chubby, with those eyes sparkling because of the fairy lights' reverberation on them, the two of them became inseparable and John started refusing to do anything without his soft, little friend. John doesn't lend anyone Mr. Chubby, not even Robbie, and mommy and daddy are the only allowed touching him, beside him. I mean, it's totally normal for a baby to grow fond of his favorite playfellow but the way John takes care of Mr. Chubby hides a deeper reason for his behavior: placed into that twinkling box with a beautiful red bow on the top of it, Mr. Chubby is the very first present from both his mommy and daddy. For John, having that teddy bear by his side is like having his parents always near him, wherever he is.

Amy has her head against the window and a world of unspoken words inside of her mouth. She wants to tell Ricky she is sorry, too to have overreacted to his words at the park just two hours before but something mystery forbids her to. She is still looking for the right words to say when black-and-white memories re-ascending to when Ricky and Adrian were "together", if you call just having sex with someone frequently being in a relationship with them, run through Amy's mind, as they were scenes of an appalling movie she has been forced to watch too many times before. But she knows the real Ricky. She knows he was just trying to protect her after all. How can her has been so selfish and hasty? This is not the only question to haunt her, though: why does Adrian have to come after a boy who keeps refusing her? Damn, why? No good answers to this one either. Suddenly a pressing need to put an end to that irksome situation, to hush Adrian once and for all, makes Amy find the strenght to speak to Ricky.

"_I wanna go see her._" Amy says breaking the silence, while pulling her head away from the window's cold surface.

"_Are you sure_?_" _Ricky asks timidly, yet showing the same will to protect Amy.

"_Yeah, absolutely. I do think we've waited long enough for this conversation. It was just a matter of time before we settled this issue and we need to talk to Adrian, now. I know not even the thought of cheating on me ever crossed your mind but I realized I can't take this situation anymore. I can't wave you with a kiss in the morning and deal with that nauseating thought of her trying to seduce you for the rest of the day. I just can't." _she says as the intermitent street lights' gleam illuminates her delicate profile.

"_Okay, Amy." _ he replies, then looks for her hand through the dark of their car. He finds it immediately, feeling its warmth and delicacy, then takes a quick look at Amy.

"_Do you wanna go see her tonight?" _he asks her.

Amy takes a deep breath and slightly puts her head on Ricky's shoulder.

"_Yeah, tonight." _she whispers.

A sweet smile appears on Ricky's lips as he feels Amy's head rubbing against his arm. She got his true intentions and forgave him for lying to her. She acted as that fantastic and strong woman he fell for. She has been brave and smart and she has fought for their family, once again. She understood him, once again. Ricky kisses the top of her head breathing in Amy's hair's smell and never leaving her hand.

"_Ames?_" he asks after some seconds of silence.

"_Yeah?"_ she replies.

"_I really didn't mean to hurt you." _Ricky tells her in a low and nervous voice.

" _I know, Ricky. I know." _she murmurs while clasping his hand softly.

Since they decided to go talk to Adrian, Amy phones her dad to see if John can stay over his house for the night. George agrees with pleasure and in less than 5 min. Ricky is ringing the bell of the Juergens' house, having Mr. Chubby in his left hand while Amy's holding John in her arms, still asleep. As they're waiting for George to open the front door, both Ricky and Amy are staring at their son with a tender and proud look on their faces. After kissing John's forehead, Amy turns to Ricky and they smile to each other. That smile, that moment, is flawless. Their son is flawless. And maybe, despite its ups and down…they think their relationship is flawless, too. What they feel for each other is flawless. At that very moment, Amy's dad opens the door.

"_Hi!"_ George says leaning over Amy to pick up John.

"_Hi, dad. He hasn't had dinner yet so if he woke up hungry later you can feed him. But please no burgers, or French fries or…" _ she's saying when Ricky puts his right hand on Amy's hip and cuts her off.

"_Ames, I think your dad already knows all that stuff. Don't you George?"_ Ricky says while sharing a knowing look with him.

Amy's overprotectiveness towards John has always been a cause for teasing of Ricky and George, especially after one whole year of advices Amy gave George when asking him to babysit.

"_Yeah, don't worry. John will be fine" – _George reassures Amy – _"Goodnight, guys."_

"_Wait George!" _Ricky exclaims as George is already closing the front door.

"_Ricky, not you too!" _ he says while rolling his eyes.

"_Oh no, no more advices around the corner, don't worry!" _ - Ricky jokes – _"But John definitely won't be fine without his Mr. Chubby." _ he continues handing George the teddy bear.

"_How can I have forgotten the other grandson of mine?" _ George replies jokingly raising general laughter.

"_Goodnight, dad and thank you. See you tomorrow." _ Amy tells her dad.

"_You're welcome, anything for my little girl. Goodnight." _he replies paternally.

"_Goodnight." _Ricky and Amy say, then walk away towards the car.

This conversation with George just infused courage into them for some hidden reason. Maybe the fact that George, though with his own fatherly worries and doubts, has always been there for the both of them. Maybe the fact that his sarcasm has the power to make you think over things even if unwittingly at times. Whatever it is, the pressure is eased and they're ready to call it quits with the past and its ghosts.

**Amy's POV**

We just arrived at Adrian's house and I watch Ricky as he's switching off the engine and pulling the car keys out of the dashboard. His gestures are sharp and accurate and his gaze shows he is fully absorbed in his thoughts. I know we're ready to face this problem together but it's still hard for the both of us. On the one hand, Adrian reminds him of his mistakes and of when he used to womanize in order to mask all the pain his father has put him through when he was just a helpless child, on the other hand, she is always been that trashy majorette I saw Ricky walking down the school hallway with on the first day of my freshmen year to me. And even though the more the time went by the more I realized he did not care about her, she was still the girl who had stolen him from me in my head. But tonight things will change. Tonight her name will dissolve from my worries and from Ricky's regrets.

"_Are you nervous?" _I ask Ricky, looking into his distant eyes.

"_I'm nervous because I'm afraid she might hurt your feelings. But I believe in us." _his voice sounds unwavering.

"_You don't have to be afraid. We're in this together." _I tell him taking his hand. We stare at one another for some seconds before Ricky takes my head in both his hands and pulls it closer to his face. He caresses my cheeks softly, then gives me a sweet, long, reassuring kiss, full of words he can't say right now. We get out of the car and go towards Adrian's house, hand in hand. Once in front of the front door, I knock on it and wait for a response. As an "_I'm coming" _reaches our ears I feel a sudden anger arise inside of me.

"_Hi, Ricky!" - _Adrian says in a sexy tone while giving him the once-over. – "_Amy…" _she adds visibly bothered.

I'd slap this tart on the face with all my strength but I prod myself into keeping my cool. Ricky simply gives her a nod and lets me start. By the look on his face, you could say he's as much irritated as I am.

"_Hi. Believe me, I'm not exactly bubbling over with joy to be here but I need to tell you a couple of things. May we come in?" _my voice sounds extremely annoyed.

"_Yeah, I guess." _Adrian mumbles while rolling her eyes.

She lets us in and guides us to the living room but none of us seems to want to have a sit. The atmosphere is high tense to say the least as Adrian continues to stare at Ricky with that same old lousy smirk on her face.

**Ricky's POV**

I see Amy desperately trying to calm herself down. In her shoes I think I would have already beaten the crap out of Adrian a long time ago. But Amy's not me, thank heavens.

"_Adrian, drop it!"_ I tell her angrily.

"_Why are you two so nervous?"_ she asks in a provocative tone while sitting on her couch. Amy and I decide not to have a sit as well, we don't feel like it at all. I hate that tone. Amy's eyes are livid with rage now.

"_I'll tell you why, Adrian. I'm nervous because I'm sick of you trying to screw my family up. I'm sick of you looking up and down at my man and every time I look at you…I…I just can't believe what happened to you hasn't thaught you anything. How can you be so indifferent? How can you look at yourself in the mirror and avoid throwing up? When you asked to see me at the hospital and you cried your heart out in my arms because you had lost someone who meant the world to you, I was feeling truly sorry for you and I understood your pain because I thought about how it would have felt to lose my own world, my own family. And Ricky and John are my whole world, the reason why I breathe. And what am I supposed to do, Adrian? Am I supposed to watch as you try to steal half my world? I'm not gonna do that. Not this time."_ I hear Amy laying bare her own feelings and doing her best to choke back her tears. I let my fingers glide into her hand and slightly stroke the back of it. I wonder if she knows she and John are my whole world, too. _"Do you remember when you wanted to be in good terms with me so that you could get closer to Ricky? I did the right thing: I called you up and invited you to my house so that you could hold John. I took a step towards you because I wanted the best for Ricky and for John. I thought that just because I couldn't make Ricky happy it wasn't fair to prevent him from being happy with someone else, I thought that maybe we just couldn't love each other right. When you deeply and truly love someone, Adrian you just want them to be happy, you just want the best for them even if it may turn out the best is not you. That's why I'm sure you do not love Ricky."_ Amy allows some tears to run down her cheeks, but before I could move my hand closer to her tear-stained face to wipe them away, they've already hit the floor. My heart aches to every single world she says. Amy never mentioned this to me and suddenly I feel like a total idiot. How could I have been so blind? When Amy tried to be friends with Adrian I thought she was just being selfish and vindictive towards me. I've always been absolutely sure Amy hated me at the time, until two seconds ago at least. I can't believe we spent two whole years distressing each other just wishing to get it right. But I guess that what we felt, what we feel, was too new and unintelligible while the situation that we were in was too complicated and painful. Just now I realize what Amy did with Adrian is exactly what I've done with Ben after John's first birthday when I pushed him into getting back with her: I was willing to lose her once again if that meant seeing her happy. My eyes are fixed on Amy but for an instant I turn around and observe that Amy's speech made Adrian's eyes go swallen and caused her to cringe.

"_You did not love Ricky because you wanted to hurt him by forbidding him to have John on the weekends. And I helped you with that."_ Adrian yells at Amy in a fit of rage.

"_You are not ever going to understand what I'm trying to tell you, are you? You're just a childish, spoilt girl who has never had to fight because it was always there. I was scared. I did not want John to love Ricky because I did, and it was not a good feeling, to love Ricky. It hurt. It burnt. I was just trying to protect my son. Then I realized how much Ricky had changed for the better and I made up my mind he would do anything for John. I did not trust Ricky at the time, to be sure, but that did not stop me from loving him. When you helped me with the video, that was called revenge. You were the only one who wanted to hurt him, not me." _Another mystery exposed. Our story has always been a jigsaw puzzle and tonight, thanks to this dramatic conversation, all the pieces seem to be putting themselves together. I should have known. Or maybe I've always known deep in the back of my mind. I'm totally petrified, still I can't help but embrace Amy fondly. It's instinctive to me.

"_I think it's enough, don't you think?" _I say to Adrian, highly upset. "_Remember the tears you just saw her crying because you won't see them again, I won't let you do that, ever again. Let's go, Amy." – _I say while making my way to the main door –_ "Don't ever show up anywhere near us. Got it?" _I add opening the door. Adrian simply glances down, not having the courage to reply.

**Amy's POV**

We walk outside and Ricky looks deep into my eyes while drying my tears with his fingers. His hands feel so warm and precious.

"_Hey, love. That's over. You're never gonna face all that pain again. I promise." _he whispers keeping eye contact with me.

Maybe because of the way he makes me feel, maybe because of the cold temperature outside, a shiver runs down my spine. Ricky immediately peels his jacket off and leans it over my shoulders, then hugs me tight.

"_Thanks." _ I murmur rubbing my face against his chest softly. I can feel his heart beating clearly and that same relaxing effect it has on me.

"_My pleasure_." he answers as he puts his hand through my hair. The world seems to have stopped as our hearts beat as one. My hero saved me again from falling apart. He picked the fallen pieces of my broken soul up andfixed it with his boundless love. I feel his eyes on me, I feel his breath on my forehead, warm and familiar. I open my eyes slowly and see a charming, glittering, green light of fireflies on the other side of the boulevard. Sweet yet far-away childhood memories of mine come back to me all of a sudden. My grandpa and I used to go for long walks through our neighbors' gardens after dinner and I recall running after those feeble, mysterious green lights and being so happy, like only a light-hearted child can be.

"_Do you wanna go home?" _Ricky's voice brings me back to earth. Maybe I should tell him anywhere feels like being home as long as I'm in his arms, as long as I can feel his heart pounding clearly in his chest. He's holding me so tight that it's like he exchanged his arms for a pair of white, fluffy yet powerful angelic wings.

"_I'm already home. Your arms are my home." _I murmur feeling my cheeks blushing.

**General POV**

"_I'm hopelessly in love with you. I will love you defying the time, the distances and any other obstacle along our way. I'll defy anyone and anything to keep you by my side, to keep you home_." Ricky's words establish an higher connection between them, and they feel that moment's perfection having an overwhelming effect on their hearts. Ricky caresses Amy's forehead with his warm lips, contrasting its freezing surface.

"_What would you say to go somewhere special?_" Ricky tells Amy letting their fingers cross.

"_Where?" _she asks extremely surprised, giving him a timid smile.

"_You will see." _His glowing, sharp eyes have always been way more meaningful than his words. He picks her up unexpectedly and they walk towards their car, not being able to take their eyes off of one another.

_Finally, the lies were over. Finally, the fear was over. Finally they were free to love each other. Finally it was just about them._


End file.
